Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Ticket Dilema

    "Come on, Daniel!" his sister Amy shouted "We're going to miss the bus!"
    "I dropped my lunch box!" he cried in exasperation. Finally, he found his lunch box behind a tall eighth grader and ran onto the bus.
    "You've got to be less clumsy." Amy told Daniel, sitting on the leathery bus seat.
    whatever... Do you know that it's his birthday today?"
    "Tomorrow!?", Amy asked. "But then we wont be able to get dad a great gift in time!"
    "Sure we can." Daniel answered. "How about a fishing trip?"
    "Nah, dad will get bored after half an hour and leave. We need to do something he likes." Amy stated.
    "How about we go to the movie theater?" Daniel asked. "Dad will love the new Indiana Jones Movie."
    "That's perfect!" Amy cried out. "Now all we need to do is get the movie tickets."
    As soon as Daniel and Amy got off the bus, they ran home, took of their book bags and quickly grabbed all of their money. Because they saw they had $60- just enough for four tickets, they got on their bikes and pedaled to the movie theater.
    "Indiana Jones...No!" Amy cried. "They're all out of tickets"
    "Now there's only one place to go." Daniel said, trying to sound triumphant.
    "Where?" Amy asked him.
    "To Biff Jenkins." Daniel answered.
    Amy shuddered- Biff Jenkins was a movie ticket collector, but he was quite creepy. And worst of all, you had to pay him a week of doing his chores for him: Biff was the laziest boy on Earth.
    "All right, but you have to do two thirds of the chores since it was your idea." Amy told him.
    "Fine." Dan answered. "Lets just get this over with."
   They quickly pedaled to Biff's house. The Halloween  decorations were still up, like always. They found Biff at the front door and asked him their offer.
    "Hey Biff, can you just give us any chores except for raking the leaves? I hate raking the leaves." Daniel asked Biff with a twinkle in his eye.
   Amy smiled. Daniel could be sly as a fox when he needed to. Raking the leaves was actually their favorite chore. The neighborhod kids were lucky that Biff was only about seven years old and very gullible.
    "Sorry, but this week, you'll have to rake the leaves." Biff answered. "No refunds."
    "Come on, Daniel." Amy  told him. "We have to go home now.", she told Biff, leading Daniel back to their bikes, a smile on her face.
    They quickly rode towards home, but they suddenly spotted a road block on their usual road.
    "Oh no..." Amy frightfully muttered. "We're going to have to go through Whirley street."
    Whirley street was known for being dark and scary, and for its bullies.
    "Come on, Amy." Daniel reassured her. "I have a plan."
  So, the only thing noticed on Whirley street was an extremely fat lady, who looked as if she had wheels under her skirt. This of course was Amy and Daniel, riding their bikes in Amy's nightgown, with Amy's head with a hat on it poking out the top. They slowly rode past Whirley street, and managed to get to their house after dark.
    "We made it!" they both yelled, as they could see their house in the distance.
    They ran into the house, just as their mom was bringing out the birthday cake.
    "Wait!" Amy yelled. "We have a last- minute birthday gift!"
    Daniel quickly took out the tickets and handed them to his dad.
   "But I though that there were no ore tickets. How much trouble did you have to go through to get these?" he asked. "Anyway, this is incredible!"
    And Daniel and Amy just looked at each other, their eyes twinkling like stars.

4 comments:

  1. as time goes by your stories have gotten, better, and better. I liked how you had incorporated many details into your work. Overall spelling and grammar was correct ( I know, that is a big deal to you.) , and your writing was very good. However a bit less dialouge would keep this more exicting in my perspective.

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  2. Great story. So much detail with and without your dialouge. You do have a bit of dialouge. I like how you describe the leather seat and the tall eighth grader that Daniel found his lunch box behind. You have so much description, but most of it is dialouge. You've really made a fantastic story here and I hope you have gotten a six on this. I'm sure you have. Great job on your awesome story. You really deserve that six.:):D

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  3. Nice post, Alisa. I liked this story you wrote. It was very interesting. I liked how you added some humor into the story, and I also liked the ending of the story. The plot of this post was different than a lot of other people's, too. One way to improve this post is by fixing one grammar mistake. Overall, great job!!!

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  4. Nice post, Alisa. I thought the story you wrote was very complex. There were a couple of grammer mistakes, but that's probably because your head was swimming with all the NJASK prep. Nice post, Alisa, keep up the good work.

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